How to explain your divorce to your child (Part #2)

How to explain your divorce to your child (Part #2)

As a continuation from part 1 on how to explain your divorce to your child, we interviewed other industry experts for their insider feedback.

Matthew Hoelscher, accredited Marriage Coach in Miami, Florida

“The one thing you never want to say to children when explaining an upcoming divorce is, ‘We fell out of love for each other.’ In a child's mind, if mom and dad can fall out of love for each other, they can fall out of love for me too!”

“Explain the divorce in an age-appropriate way using your titles to clarify the difference. ‘Mom and Dad are getting a divorce. That means we are no longer going to be living together as husband and wife. We will ALWAYS be you Mom and Dad and we both love you very much.’"

“Parents never need to explain or justify a divorce to children. They are not going to approve of it. They will always want mom and dad to be together unless they are already teenagers and are exhausted from hearing you both fight.”

“Your job as parents is to set, clarify, and maintain clear expectations with the child. You need to tell them BEFORE there is a major shift in their routine or living conditions. You do not need to tell them too soon before a decision is made in order to guilt-trip a partner into staying because of a bad fight.”

“Prepare a basic calendar so they can see when they will be with Mom and when they will be with Dad. Talk to them a week or so before you both split the living arrangements. That can be any various points throughout the divorce process.”

Traci Rhône, MSc., LMHC - psychotherapist in Miami, Florida

“Don't tell lies. But don't speak unguarded truth either. Don't argue in front of your children. Don't be too pushy. Don't hinder expression. Don't use your kids for intel. Don't tell or infer that children are a reason the marriage broke down. Plan what you will say. Talk to your children together. Develop a non-blaming narrative. Tell your kids why this is happening. Tell your kids what will change and what will stay the same. Tell your kids which parent will leave the home. Reassurance is the key. Your kids' reactions are completely normal.”

Dr. Carolina Pataky, co-founder of the Love Discovery Institute, Relationship and Intimacy Therapist, with locations based in Miami Beach and Coral Gables, FL

“Divorce happens more frequently than we would hope for, leaving many families confused and hurt along the process, especially the children who are the ones who tend to get hurt the most in the situation. Explaining to your child that the family structure they are used to seeing will dramatically change can be pretty difficult to discuss with them no matter their age.”

“During these sensitive moments in life, children can feel guilt for what's going on as well as anger and sadness, and it is imperative for us as parents to allow them to express their emotions and for us to get them to realize that they are not to blame for the separation...”

“No matter the child's age, you should always speak to them using simple communication and avoid oversharing the extra details they do not need to know. Less is more in this situation; your child does not need to know the details of what led to a divorce.”

Going through a divorce in Florida? Contact the award-winning Law Offices of Lauren Grondski, P.A. for a consultation at (305) 914-5688.

How to explain your divorce to your child (Part #1)

How to explain your divorce to your child (Part #1)

How to explain your divorce to your child? What should you say and what shouldn’t you? Those are important questions every parent going through a divorce grapples with. To help answer these complicated and important questions, The Law Offices of Lauren Grondski interviewed several South Florida industry experts such as marriage therapists.

Genesis Games, LMHC - bilingual Licensed Mental Health Counselor in the state of Florida and currently practice at Healing Connections

“You should not blame the other parent for the divorce or bash them. You should not insinuate that the parent leaving the home or requesting the divorce will abandon the child. You should not give details as to why you are divorcing. Children should not be involved in the divorce process or made aware of stressors brought on by the divorce.”

“You should both together give the news in an amicable and neutral manner. You should reassure the child that this is not their fault and that there is nothing they did that caused the divorce. You should verbally express your continuous love for them. You should give them permission and provide a safe space for them to express their emotions and ask questions. You should provide them with information regarding their ‘new normal.’ Let them know, if they will be moving, who will be dropping them off and picking them up from school, and when will they see the other parent, etc.”

“You should not break the news on a school night, right before a soccer game, a birthday or a holiday. Imagine your 10 and your parents drop on you that your life will be flipped upside down before a big soccer game or the night before your birthday. You might hate soccer and your birthday moving forward because you will associate two things you once looked forward to with a series of uncomfortable emotions. Disclose the information together, as a noted front, preferably on a Friday afternoon, so that the child has the entire weekend to process the initial shock. Schedule one-on-one time with each child and allow them to ask questions and express their feelings about the divorce. Be around and available to them, and patient with their reactions. The way you deliver the news, in my professional experience, sets the tone for how your children will remember and perceive the divorce process and the aftermath. Be thoughtful and be a untied front with the other parent.”

Dr. Liliana Wolf - a Licensed Clinical Psychotherapist in Coral Gables, FL

“Research shows that children of divorce are provided with inadequate support, communication, and notice of their parents' divorce.”

“Taking the right approach to letting them know about the divorce is the first step that parents must take. Children thrive on stability, which occurs when they know what to expect.”

“There is no one-size-fits-all strategy to letting children know about their parents' divorce.

● When choosing an approach, parents would be wise to consider the child's temperament and developmental stage.

● One thing is for sure; parents should commit to talking to their children together. A united front shows children what the parent-child relationship will be like after the divorce. This is a good way to set the tone about stabilizing your family from the outset.

● Have a plan. This is the when, what, where and how. (not on a school day, please!). If you have more than one child, you may want to plan to address them separately or jointly based on their respective developmental stage.

● Listen to their concerns

● Offer support

● Talking to your child will help them know what to expect in a time of uncertainty. And it will also let them know what remains the same: Your love for them and the integrity of the family across both homes.”

Elsa Hines, a marriage and family therapist in Miami and South Florida

“My number one recommendation for ‘should’ in terms of communicating with children about divorce is: ask them questions–for example, ‘what do you think it means for mom and dad to get a divorce?’ Their answers become an opportunity for parents to gain insight and gauge their level of understanding. Additionally, it gives the kids a voice and the open-ended nature of the questions allows them to communicate what's most important to them, their anxieties and fears.”

“In terms of what one shouldn't say, I work with parents on becoming very aware of not placing any adult’ responsibilities on the children as a result of the divorce. For example, telling a little boy that they are now the head of the home and they have to care for mom. Essentially, it's important for the adults to assume the responsibility of the divorce and for the kids to be granted the right to remain innocent.”

“Anxiety is contagious, which makes it difficult to keep secrets from kids. Children are keen observers and they're always noticing what's going on around them, even when you think they're not! Therefore, the sooner the better...By addressing the divorce with them, in an age appropriate way, you allow them to put the situation in context and to start processing the changes that will be taking place for everyone in the family.”

Going through a divorce in Florida? Contact the award-winning Law Offices of Lauren Grondski, P.A. for a consultation at (305) 914-5688.

What are the different types of personal injury cases and potential damages?

What are the different types of personal injury cases and potential damages?

What are the different types of personal injury cases? The practice group is broad such as: motor vehicle accidents with cars, motorcycles, and trucks; boating accidents, bike accidents, dog bites, slip and falls, wrongful death, medical malpractice, workplace accidents, product liability, premises liability, nursing home abuse, and more.

Indeed, much of the civil litigation cases in America are personal injury cases due to negligence or reckless behavior. According to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), for data on the leading causes of death for the number of deaths in the United States, Accidents (unintentional injuries) accounted for a whopping 200,955. That’s just below heart disease, cancer, and COVID. But it’s above stroke, chronic lower respiratory diseases, Alzheimer’s disease, Diabetes, and others.

But it’s been reported that just 5% of all personal injury cases in the United States lead to an actual trial. In other words, the very large majority get settled prior to trial, as known as a pre-trial settlement, such as through arbitration or mediation.

What are the potential damages in personal injury cases? Personal injury cases comprise of both economic and non-economic damages. The amount and severity of damages can impact the potential claim. Insurance at times covers a significant portion of the claims, but they can have limits to their coverage. In both cases, you can be rightfully due compensation as a result.

For the economic damages, they can be more physically visible and tangible, and thus easier to document in some cases. They include the following:

Property damages. In certain instances, like car accidents, your physical property may be partially or fully damaged. Or, for instance, if a contractor fails to properly construct the renovations to your home and your roof collapses on your leg, your roof may need to be replaced.

Loss of wages (not to mention, loss of future earning potential or loss of future income). When injured, you simply may not have the time or ability to work for a time period or at least the same time period as prior. And even if you can still work, your ability to perform the same job as prior, such as a construction worker, may not be possible because you’re now physically disabled and the role entails lots of manual labor.

Medical bills. From medical visits, medication, physical therapy, overstays, minor and serious medical procedures and even surgery and more, there are countless healthcare expenses.

Emotional distress. Then there’s the untold and less tangible emotional distress that can and often takes place in a personal injury incident. Symptoms of emotional stress are many, such as: anxiety, stress, depression, damage to one’s reputation; unable to enjoy the same activities as prior; feelings of guilt or shame and even humiliation from the incident and perhaps not being the same person again. There’s also paranoid fearful feelings from the accident occurring again, constant nightmares, flashbacks, and sleepless nights are a result. The emotional pain and suffering may be for a long period of time, even forever in some cases.

It might be deemed harder or more complicated in some cases to prove emotional distress, but it’s important to document as much possible evidence related to the emotional suffering. For instance, you might consult a psychologist, you might now be prescribed antidepressants. You might get testimony from friends, family, and co-workers to illustrate your pain as further evidence. Bottom-line, there are a lot of potential damages that can occur in a personal injury.

Injured in Florida? You might be entitled to significant compensation. Contact the award-winning Law Offices of Lauren Grondski, P.A. for a consultation at (305) 914-5688.